


Let Me Go

by ByAStream



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Military, Alternate Universe - Music, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Background Relationships, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:00:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26093779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ByAStream/pseuds/ByAStream
Summary: When your fiance returns from his deployment, things aren’t the same. With your band getting ready to go full steam into your debut album, Bucky becomes too much, and you know that if your relationship is going to survive and be healthy, you need to go.
Relationships: Carol Danvers/Wanda Maximoff, James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Sharon Carter/Steve Rogers
Kudos: 20





	Let Me Go

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr: jbbarnesnnoble.tumblr.com

A wandering soul, a dreamer, a lover. The adjectives ascribed to you by the ones you loved, by the ones you were willing to lose in the pursuit of your dreams. You had dreams and staying was keeping you from them. You knew he never meant to keep you like a caged bird, he never realized that it was what he was doing. 

He excuses for why you shouldn’t do something were weak. “ _ It’s too far”, “Have you seen the crime rate there?”, “what if something happens and I’m not there?”.  _ You loved him. You did. But he clung to you like a leech, slowly draining you of your dreams of a life far away. It wasn’t healthy. He had his own issues to work through and he never would if you stayed. It hadn’t always been that way. You remembered a time when it wasn’t that way, where he wasn’t the one thing holding you back from your dreams. 

_ The summer air was filled with the scent of freshly made funnel cakes, spun sugar of cotton candy, and the smell of fresh rain. You had gone for cover in one of the buildings on the fairground, watching as the rain fell. His arms were wrapped around you, his left hand holding on to the cotton candy that had nearly fallen victim to the rain outside. You held tight to the moment. He’d be leaving soon, and moments like those were ones to cherish.  _

_ “Think you’ll still get to play?” he asked as he tore a piece off and held it to your lips. You took the bit of sugary fluff into your mouth, smiling at the artificial taste of grape. It always had been a favorite of yours.  _

_ “Wait for it. The show must go on,” you told him, nodding toward the bay doors where the rain was clearing. He laughed as you pulled him out of the building and toward the stage that was set up. Music was your passion. You dreamed of Nashville, of playing the Ryman, of one day joining the Opry.  _

_ You had a band, a group that had been friends since childhood. They were your family, not by blood but by shared experiences. Natasha Romanoff was a badass with a guitar, Wanda Maximoff was a hell of a drummer, something no one ever expected. They always thought Nat would be the drummer and Wanda would be a guitarist or a fiddle player. Sharon Carter was your bass player, and Wanda’s brother Pietro was your keyboard player. The East Coast Connection was what you’d called yourselves since high school. Now, four years later, you were close to being able to head to Nashville and really try.  _

_ The two of you found your friends. Steve was helping with the setup, but it looked more like he was getting distracted by Sharon. The pair had gotten married earlier in the summer. Carol Danvers was an addition to your close-knit group. Carol was a welcome addition, along with Sam Wilson. Carol, who Wanda had fallen head over heels with. They worked with Steve in New York, with the FDNY. You spotted Peter, MJ, and Ned in the mix. It seemed like everyone was there, everyone except… _

_ “Where’s Barton?” you heard Bucky ask. Everyone paused and looked around. You swore you saw Nat swear under her breath. Clint Barton on the loose at the end of summer fair was never a good thing. You remembered the year he managed to take off with the entire pot of clams that had been put out for the annual seafood dinner night that was part of the fundraising efforts of the volunteer fire department that put on the fair.  _

_ No one could forget the year Clint managed to hide terrifying-looking clowns in the Funhouse. 11-year-old Peter Parker ran out screaming and his Aunt May went on a warpath to find Clint. That was the summer before you entered 8th grade. Bucky, Steve, and Clint were a year ahead of you with Nat. Your year had the twins, Wade Wilson, who still showed up at random, though no one knew exactly what he was up to since high school, and Bruce Banner.  _

_ Clint, as it turned out, had gone to meet Tony Stark. Not only did Stark own Stark Industries, but he had ventured into other industries, namely the music industry with a start-up based out of Nashville. Tony had been a senior your freshman year. His parents prided themselves on the fact that he went to public school, never mind the fact that your school was one of the top in the state. As far as you knew, Stark had settled down recently and was expecting a child with his wife Pepper.  _

_ By the time Clint showed up with Tony, the band had taken the stage. You were so wrapped up in the show, you didn’t notice them. You slowed things down a bit in the middle of the set. _

_ “This song...I wrote it thinking about something I really don’t want to think about. It’s called Kisses at Airports,” you said. You nodded your head to the beat, doing your best not to cry as the song neared the end. _

_ “How many times do we take for granted? Kisses at airports, by open car doors, no I don’t wanna let go. I just wanna make sure you know, this one means I missed you. This one means I’m going to, make every one I give you baby be a little more, like kisses at airports, like kisses at airports,” you sang. You didn’t let yourself look at Bucky until the last note, seeing the emotion on his face clearly.  _

_ You hadn’t played that one for him. You weren’t sure it was because you wanted it to be a surprise or because you didn’t want to acknowledge the truth. He was deploying soon, hopefully for the last time if you had it your way. His enlistment was up at the end of this one. He had been lucky enough to be stationed back home this time before deploying.  _

You snapped out of your thoughts with the slam of the front door, followed by a muffled stream of curses. Alpine jumped from her perch on your lap. The ring you wore sat heavy on your left hand. He had proposed before he left, nearly a year ago. Four months in, you got the news about his injury. Two months later, he was home. You and the band had been in the studio, having signed on with Tony’s label. The amount of creative freedom he’d given you had shocked you. 

When you’d found out about Bucky’s injury, Tony made sure the band could stay in the area, that you had the support. Tony was the reason Bucky had a top of the line, custom made prosthetic. It was one of a kind. 

The past six months had been filled with physiotherapy and with Bucky’s visits to a therapist. It did nothing to quell the storm raging in his head. You could tell that much. You felt awful, for thinking about leaving. Felt like you were kicking him while he was down. Losing his arm and his fiancee in quick succession? It wouldn’t be forever. You knew his mental health wasn’t your responsibility, that distance was necessary. Nashville was the focal point, where the two of you couldn’t agree. He needed to stay in the area. His doctors were there. Tony was there. His new job with Stark Industries was there. 

You looked up when he came in. He looked exhausted. For a moment, you felt your resolve crumble. You had a bag packed, sitting beside you with your guitar. You were just waiting for your ride. Steve would be coming over after you left, you and the band heading for Nashville to do the things you needed to. The networking, the shows, preparing for the album launch. 

“Where are you going?” Bucky asked, his voice cracking. You sighed.

“James…,” you started to say.

“You’re leaving me. I need you here,” he said. You shook your head.

“It’s not healthy. This. Whatever this is right now. We need time apart and the band...we have so much to do before the album comes out. You and I...we’re not good for each other right now, Buck,” you said. 

“You’re leaving me,” he repeated. You stood up, placing your hand gently on his cheek, leaning to kiss him. He held you tight, not wanting to let go.

“It’s not forever. You need to let me go, James,” you said. He rested his forehead against yours. Conflict swirled around him. 

“What if I don’t want to?” he asked. Your breath caught in your throat as you felt the familiar sting of tears.

“You have to. This...what we’ve been since you came home...it’s not healthy. It’s not good. It’s not good for you. It’s not good for me. I won’t be gone forever. But you have to learn how to let me go again. You have to. This...whatever this has been...we need the time apart before we destroy ourselves,” you said, your voice breaking. The two of you sat in silence, holding one another, until a knock came at the door, along with a text from Sharon. Clint was driving you all to the airport and had dropped Steve off. You grabbed your bag and your guitar, Bucky trailing behind you. 

“Please,” he whispered. You shook your head.

“It’s for the best,” you said, kissing him one last time before you walked out the door and to the car. You couldn’t bring yourself to look back as Steve ushered him back into the house. You felt your heart break a little more. It wasn’t forever, you reminded yourself. 

In the car, you just shook your head when Natasha asked about what had happened. You stared out the window as Clint pulled away, the sunlight catching on your ring as you left Bucky in the rearview. 

* * *

Nashville was a lot of things, but it wasn’t home. You enforced a strict policy of two phone calls a week with Bucky. The first week you had been gone, he was constantly calling and texting to check on you. You reminded him that you needed the space. You both needed it, even if he was unwilling to see it. One month passed, and then the second and a third. Four months passed and the album was releasing. To your surprise, the band had been asked to play the Opry. Before that the band was appearing on a radio show. You knew you were going to be asked about the songs, about your relationship. You wished he could be there. Once upon a time, he had been your most vocal supporter, promising to be there for every milestone he could. If the others knew what was on your mind as you sat waiting for the interview to start, they didn’t let on. 

“You have this song, Kisses at Airports, what was the inspiration there?” Bobby asked. You sighed.

“My fiance is...was in the military. He joined right out of high school. He’s home now, but those years...those years were filled with kisses at airports, saying goodbye without saying goodbye,” you explained. 

“Will he be at the Opry debut?” he asked. You bit your lip.

“It’s up in the air. He’s recovering at the moment,” you said, unwilling to give a deeper answer than that. You were checked out for the rest of the interview, Nat and Sharon doing most of the talking while Wanda and Pietro watched you with concern. You were quiet when the interview ended and you were heading to the venue. It wasn’t until you got to the dressing room that Wanda brought up the elephant in the room.

“You want him here, don’t you?” she asked. You nodded.

“He’s my best friend. Of course I want him here,” was all you said. You were more subdued through the afternoon as the band prepared for the show. You were nervous, more nervous than you’d been for any show you’d ever done. This was the Opry. How many greats had stood in that circle before you?

As you stepped onto the stage after the band was introduced, you looked out at the crowd. You tried to commit it to memory. Second only to the day Bucky proposed to you, this was the best day of your life. The opening chords of Kisses at Airports started and you didn’t have to think as you sang, Bucky on your mind. 

When you got off the stage, you were surprised to see a crowd outside the dressing room. Steve was there for Sharon. But with Steve was someone you didn’t expect. Bucky. When the two of you had spoken earlier in the week, he mentioned not being sure he could fly out. Between him not feeling comfortable traveling and his new job, you understood. But there in front of you was Bucky. You smiled at him. He looked surprised as you hugged him, squishing the flowers he held. After a moment, he laughed before he picked you up and spun you around. His laughter was a sound you had missed so much. Before you had left, you wondered if you would ever hear it again. 

He was doing better than he was the day you left for Nashville. Therapy helped you both. Texting was a daily thing now, phone calls whenever one of you just wanted to hear the other. You looked at him, really looked at him. He looked rested, more than he had in the six months leading up to your departure. 

“Missed you,” he said, his voice low. You smiled.

“Missed you too,” you replied before leaning to kiss him. 

“Alright lovebirds, let’s get going. We have dinner reservations,” Natasha said, breaking the two of you out of the bubble you had found yourselves in. For a moment, it had been as if no one else was there, just the two of you, finally back together again. 


End file.
